"They should have done it this way"
"Then that would not have happened"
"If they hadn't done that, then this..."
"Stupid people"
"They should have..."
"He should have..."
"She shouldn't have..."
Scorn
Constant, constant
Not even just with sin
constant constant
Slowly, it broke in
Hijacked my neurons
Taught my brain a thing:
"If you should have,
you are stupid
and you could have
so you should have
so you're bad."
What is "should have,"
perchance you ask?
Oh, that's what makes it fuzzy-brain
Because "should have" is based on
They'd have
so you don't have a chance.
You'll never be good enough
Never meet the bar
You'll never see it coming
Though you try - so hard
And this lurks, lurks, lurks
So subtle and so strong
But it's hiding in the darkness
Where your mind won't see its song
So you can't see it
Can't argue it with truth
Cuz always there it's lurking
"You'll never be enough."
Till BAM there comes a breaking
BAM there comes a saving
BAM there comes truth swinging
And out of it you see --
The contrast sets you gaping
The contrast starts you thinking
The grace sets you a-cringing
But it's there and you're thinking --
What if I've been lied to?
Surely not, but... what if?
I know I'll never measure up,
But...
There's no standard here to meet
No bar to drop your gaze
And maybe bit by bit you can --
See the love through your haze
Your burdened part of Right
Held Perfect as the goal
But maybe, piece by piece...
Your Jesus heals that hole
And now you have the freedom
To make all those mistakes
And instead of getting judgment
There's hugs and lots more grace
Perhaps someday "should have"
will slowly fade away
and someday maybe, maybe
Acceptance here will say
"I have the freedom now to choose
what to do with what is here
My choices really matter
My ownership is dear."
Not because of punishment
Not 'cause you'll be wrong
But because He made you free --
And that is now your song.
Photo credits: Cardia Gong on Unsplash and Nabil Naidu on Unsplash